Gossip Grill
I walk into Gossip Grill accompanied by a go-go dancer in a tiger costume. Their roommate, Majdy, has been telling me about the neighborhood surrounding Gossip, a historically queer area that provides a safe space for hanging out and having fun with friends. This is another gayborhood, packed with gay bars and queers on the streets.
Gossip is large, two rooms each with their own bar. The walls are decorated with framed photos of famous women, both real and fictional. True to name, there is also a full restaurant serving all the best New American “bar and grill” style food.
The bartender, Harvey, is friends with my tiger and presents me with the largest PBR I’ve ever seen. I am also immediately greeted by a tray of free Jager shots, courtesy of the Lesbian Bar Project screening earlier in the evening. I take my first-ever Jager shot, and maybe it’s just because I’m a bartender who is regularly presented with tiny bottles of Underberg, but it’s honestly pretty good. I don’t understand the idea that this is supposed to be a terrible shot frat boys take to prove their manhood.
The bartenders are hot androgynous enbies with cool haircuts and tattoos. Most wear Gossip Grill shirts with a selection of pronouns on the front, designed for a pin or check mark to go in the box that applies to you.
It’s a Tuesday at 9 pm, but the space is lively and relaxed. Patrons are mostly in their 20s and 30s, in stylish jeans and tees. Outfits were clearly planned to look casual, not simply casual as in “this is what I have been wearing to run errands in.” Docs and expensive sneakers tap out beats to the classic rock playlist. The crowd is majority Dyke and decently diverse. People mostly chat with who they came with, paired off and wrapped in conversation.
The second room has progress pride flags on the ceiling above the bar, and ace, nonbinary, and trans flags hanging from the rafters. This space is meant for events, with a large projector screen and a space easily cleared for dancing. I’m told the weekends are packed with dancers so tightly you can barely move.
The main space has an open ceiling, blocked from the uncharacteristic San Diego drizzle by rainbow umbrellas and canopies. There are porch swings and decorative trees. The walls are covered in fake greenery. This space is bright and modern, with metal furniture and geometric plant hangings. Fairy lights and Edison bulbs provide soft light, perfect for flirting. Sports games play on four separate TVs.
All of the bathrooms are gender neutral, with open doors and acceptance for everyone, pee where you will. The branding and graphic design is consistent and pleasing, pop art style featuring hot women and bold colors.
I chat with two new friends about my journey, and we discuss the state of Lesbian bars. I tell them where I’ve been and where I’m going and everyone keeps asking what my favorite bar has been so far. Spoiler, I don’t have one but stay tuned for a top 5. We talk about the differences between gay, Lesbian, and queer spaces, and how each feels to a mostly trans AFAB group. Even in big cities, most gay spaces are aimed at cis gay men, perhaps even more so than small towns.
My friend Mars, the go-go dancing tiger, has rallied their friends to come out and join us tonight. Each person shares their own stories and experiences with Gossip. “Everyone queer comes here.”
Majdy told me that Gossip can sometimes have a reputation for chasers and unicorn hunters. A new friend tells me a story of a girl seemingly flirting with her and trying to hook up, only to realize she had been leaning on the trans girl for encouragement to hook up with a straight guy she had been eyeing.
As the night goes on, I spot more gay men, though Dykes still outnumber them. The crowd gets younger and whiter too. Most folks seem to lean towards femme or androgynous presentations, gone are my southern butches.
The bar feels very Southern California, sleek and modern, with long-haired blondes in skinny jeans drinking vodka sodas with gay men in patterned button-ups. Dykes on dates flirt at the bar, leaning forward to laugh at each other’s jokes.
Mars’ friends and I have the gayest conversations: we talk accountability and restorative justice in queer spaces, process running into exes, and ask if we are the same people today that we were yesterday.
It takes me almost two hours to finish my massive PBR, talk about a cheap date. As I’m writing and watching my friends, a queer in a new Gossip Grill tee comes over and asks what I’m writing about. By this point, I’ve realized this is just how I start conversations in bars. I tell them about my project and we chat amiably until the bartenders start flashing the lights for last call. If you work lights at the Jurassic World experience, hi! I forgot your name but it was nice to talk to you.
A rare photo of the writer in action, courtesy of Mars
As we all file out, Mars tells me about how the community has rallied over the years to make the space even more inclusive, getting owners to change language and make the bathrooms gender-neutral. They invite me to their go-go dancing shows here, and since Gossip Grill is the closest Lesbian bar to LA, it seems I’ve found a pilgrimage.
Leather Jackets: 4
Gold framed glasses: 5
San Diego, CA
